Should we be ashamed and just hide ourselves?

By Sannara Ferguson

This was a question put before me by a troubled, young, individual who considered the purchase of guilt trips peddled by family and friends. While she continued to express her feelings, I couldn't help but notice that while she is asked to cover herself; her assailants in this are coveted. Hide and restrain ourselves because others say we should be ashamed of who and what we are?  She was asking, "Should she move into a closet?"

I feel to do justice to seeking an answer, we might recall the state of the world around us, and how much it has changed, so much so, that such a question can be raised, and even render varying opinions. Thinking back, when I came up, and I think it could easily be said, that it was impressed upon us that you should be ashamed because, after all, you were not towing the social line, as everyone around “just” knew you should. I say "knew you should", because it was almost standard practice then (around the 1950's) to tell us that we would need to up-root our lives for a new one if we wanted to survive. Hence, you would throw your past away and start over.

Now we talk openly among ourselves, seek, find, and aide each other in a world a little more sensitive to the fact that we are here and we do exist. Each day the world bends a little more in the breeze of understanding. It's not yet a perfect society, but it is learning and it is changing. So, the root of the question, perhaps, can be looked at from the perspective that society that has always needed to change.

The question pretends that there was no one with you when you first entered the closet, when those of us that found ourselves living in a closet because we bought the guilt ticket. As part of the ride, the conductor, with their hand on your shoulder leads you in; the conductors being family, friends, and the world at large. In truth, no one walks into the closet on their own, we all have help.

The question above skirts society’s role, and even its participation in finding oneself in the closet.  And if that holds truth then I ask, “Was there ever anything wrong with us in the first place for which we had to be ashamed”? I say, “There has never been a real reason for us to be ashamed of whom we are”. Consider the possible blessings that may be had by incorporating our past into our future. I'd like to think the male events of my past and together with the journey into my female life have blessed me with insights that straight males and cisgender females alike have difficulty seeing of each other. Perhaps there is a new role for us which lies hidden. But I dare say we will never answer these questions if we are willing to be ashamed. Well, that's the direction my compass blows and I hope it makes some sense so you can take some strength from it.

 

Sept. 26, 2011